


Expelled

by tteguri



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Dad!Youngbin, Enemies to Lovers, Family Feels, M/M, chanhee is a brat, friendships, high school (sort of), stepbrothers (sort of), youngbin and jaeyoon are married
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:14:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23220796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tteguri/pseuds/tteguri
Summary: There was only a thing worse than dad and Jaeyoon breaking up, worse than math homeworks, worse than being expelled, worse than the plague or anything horrible that could happen in the world [...] Kim Seokwoo.
Relationships: Kang Chanhee | Chani/Kim Seokwoo | Rowoon, Kim Inseong/Lee Sanghyuk | Dawon, Kim Youngbin/Lee Jaeyoon, Kim Youngkyun | Hwiyoung/Yoo Taeyang
Comments: 27
Kudos: 95





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> It's rated MATURE for language and underage drinking and smoking NOT for sex. Sorry for any mistake, english is not my first language!

Chanhee was fucked. Well, figuratively, of course, but he was totally and indubitably fucked. 

He was just expelled. 

Expelled. Not suspended, not given cafeteria duties or detention like the other times. His fucking school decided it had been enough and expelled him, not caring about the fact he always paid his ridiculously expensive tuition on time, wore almost always his uniform without messing it up and had almost decent grades. Well it was because Youngkyun forced him to study from time to time but whatever. 

He was a good student. He didn’t deserve this. Youngkyun once broke into the school radio station and forced the staff to put on one of his terrible rap songs and got only detention for a week. 

Chanhee just climbed onto the school’s roof. No biggie. They made a fuss out of it and even called the fucking firefighters to get him down when he could’ve just do it by himself. 

Maybe it was because he ha already got detention for two weeks the day earlier when was caught trying to break into the cafeteria to steal some food while he was supposed to be in the bathroom or maybe it was when in bio class he switched his dead frog to a living one and told everyone, teacher included, that he had resurrected the animal. Or it was when he printed thousands of copies of an hilarious photoshopped image of his math teacher on Jessica Rabbit’s body and put them everywhere in the school? 

Well, he had done a few things, to be honest. Pranks, mostly, everyone laughed and no one was hurt. So expelling him wasn’t necessary it was almost child abuse. 

When he tried to tell the principal that he laughed in his face and said to him he wished to never see him again. 

Chanhee told him it was mutual going out of his office, and it really was. 

He was basically on a vacation for like, forever. Of course he had to tell his dad, but luckily he and his husband were going to leave for two weeks in the US for a big event and Chanhee planned to tell him after that. Maybe in two weeks he’ll come up with a plan. 

Chanhee was really good at plans. He was the brain between Youngkyun and him - Youngkyun had better grades but because he had to do well since he was on a scholarship - and he has always had great ideas. He’ll come up with something as well. 

Of course the principal office would have called his parents but he was smart enough to give them his mother's number and his mother lived in Canada and was very disinterested about him, and also was more likely to set herself on fire than speaking again to the man that left her suddenly realising he was gay, that also happened to be Chanhee’s father. 

Chanhee closed the principal office’s door behind him, letting out a sob. 

«So? Detention?» 

Youngkyun almost scared him. The tall boy was leaning on the wall, his long hair getting in his eyes, looking at Chanhee with anticipation.

«Expelled.» replied the other. 

Youngkyun almost dropped his jaw. 

«WHAT? Expelled? Oh, fuck. Fuck, Chanhee, fuck. And now? I’m not going to school without you. I’m gonna kill myself. Please Chanhee, go in there and beg, maybe they’ll take it back, I’ll beg the principal ...» 

Chanhee rolled his eyes. 

Of course, the school would become a freaking boring place without him but Youngkyun was too dramatic. He always got dramatic when he cared about something, so Chanhee should have been flattered by the scene his best friend was making, but he also made several scenes for Yoo Taeyang and Chanhee was pretty sure Youngkyun never had positive feeling toward the guy. 

«Cut it. I’m gonna do something about it. Dad and Jaeyoon are leaving tomorrow for LA so I’ll have time to think and enjoy my vacation. After school tomorrow you can come to my house, we can chill by the pool with no one bothering us about homeworks.» he explained. 

Youngkyun didn’t seem reassured. 

«But two weeks in hell without you? What I am supposed to do?»

Chanhee rolled his eyes again. 

The had other friends. Well, minions, sort of. Not friends like he and Youngkyun were. They always sat with many people at lunch and everybody knew them and liked them so it wasn’t much of a problem having company. Youngkyun was just being dramatic. 

«Kyun. If you’ll feel this lonely you should consider befriend Yoo Taeyang. I’m sure you’ll make his entire year.» 

If looks could kill, the one Youngkyun gave him would have probably sent him to heaven, or hell, or wherever. 

«I hate you.»

Yoo Taeyang was a third year and student council president. Also, he had the most obvious crush for Youngkyun. They met at the radio station when Youngkyun forced him to put on his song and maybe Taeyang developed some sort of Stockholm syndrome because since that day he started to say “hi” to Youngkyun everywhere they met in a ridiculously high voice, sometimes even waving and always blushing bright red. 

Chanhee loved teasing his friend about it and Youngkyun wasn’t exactly flattered about the fact the only person in the entire school who had the nerve to show him he had a crush was a boy. 

Even though, once, when they got tipsy from a few beers they stole from Youngkyun’s sister and her friends, Kyun told Chanhee that Taeyang was “cute”. 

Chanhee was always regretting not recording him, it would have been exhilarating letting him listen to his own voice calling Yoo Taeyang “cute”.

«No. You love me. Tomorrow after school see you at my house, bring a swimsuit.» 

Youngkyun sighed, probably because he had to go through a day and a half (it was still noon) without Chanhee or because of Yoo Taeyang. Chanhee patted his shoulder. 

«Everything will be alright. I’ll just have to hide it until tomorrow and then we’ll have two weeks of partying and doing nothing by my pool. Trust me.» 

Chanhee was sure about what he was saying. His father wasn’t exactly a Sherlock Holmes, neither was Jaeyoon, and he was a really good liar. 

Nothing could go wrong. 

Right? 

₊̣̇.ෆ˟̑*̑˚̑*̑˟̑ෆ.₊̣̇.

Chanhee lived in a big house in one of the best neighbourhoods in Sydney. It was a pretty nice upgrade from the loft he used to live in when his father was an overworked architect and had barely time to sleep, and Chanhee loved his new big room, the pool and the garden. They even had a gym in the house, even tho Jaeyoon was the only one using it. 

When his father and Jaeyoon got engaged Jaeyoon asked him to design their future home and, when Chanhee’s dad asked for a budget, he just casually dropped a crazy high budget. It wasn’t like Chanhee and his dad were poor, they lived in a nice and comfortable loft and Kim Youngbin - that was his father’s name - was a pretty well known as architect in Sydney, but Jaeyoon was, like, a Kardashian. 

Chanhee had always wondered if he got plastic surgery as well. His nose was too small, his features were too sweet and delicate and his ass was too big. But whatever. Jaeyoon was rich and Chanhee and his dad in the last two years got quite used to live in their mansion. 

Other than being rich and pretty, Jaeyoon was also smart. He was an engineer and he teamed up with Chanhee’s dad for multiple projects, until they made their own company (and married, of course). And that was why the both of them had to go overseas, luckily for Chanhee, who loved his father and grew to love even Jaeyoon but wasn’t exactly eager to share with them that he was expelled. 

For that purpose Chanhee spent the afternoon at the mall, eating Shake Shack and reading mangas from his phone. At four he took the bus and went home, arriving at the usual time he got home after school. 

He shouted an “hello” for his dad and Jaeyoon, since both of their cars were parked next to the garage he figured they were home, but not receiving any answer. 

They were probably busy packing or being sappy with each other, no biggie. 

Chanhee took a bowl of cereals and headed to his room, planning to read his manga and chill a bit while having his snack, like usual, not ignoring his homeworks anymore since he didn't have to submitt anything anymore. Thank God.

His room was on the same floor as his dad’s and Jaeyoon’s, and when he walked in front of their room, he heard their voices. 

They were different than usual, they usually were,like a romantic movie or something like that, calling each other pet names and holding hands, even kissing in front of Chanhee - disgusting -. They were talking in a low, deep and hurried voice, and that made Chanhee stop to listen. 

«Youngbin. Are you sure it’s not a problem?» asked Jaeyoon. 

It was rare for him to call Chanhee’s dad by his name. It meant it was a serious matter. 

«I am sure. Chanhee will deal with that. He’s fifteen, next year I’ll have a license, he’ll survive.» 

Chanhee wanted to die. Really, really die. 

Were they splitting up? 

They couldn’t. Chanhee would be traumatised, and he was already traumatised by his father leaving his mom because he was gay when he was three. He also had a crappy mother who never cared about him and barely looked at him when he went to Canada for the holidays he didn’t deserve to have his stepfather leave. 

He liked Jaeyoon. 

Not because he was rich but because he was kind and gentle and treated him like a son, he never got mad and even calmed down his dad a few times when he caught Chanhee doing something he shouldn't do. 

When he first met Jaeyoon he had all the intentions to crush him alive - he was eight and thought Jaeyoon was the cause of his parents’ divorce, that was actually true but whatever, now he liked Jaeyoon better than his mom - but after their dinner together, since Jaeyoon brought them to a restaurant where Chanhee could color his tablecloth and had a special dinner menu with spaghetti alla bolognese that was his favorite dish at the time, he decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

Jaeyoon never lost that. Chanhee grew to tolerate him, to like him and to love him like a dad, in the past years. Jaeyoon saw him cry, brought him to the hospital when he fell from a tree and waited for hours next to him, Jaeyoon helped him with his homework and scolded him a few times when he caught him awake at 4:00 am reading manga. 

He couldn’t lose Jaeyoon. 

He was about to break into the room and grab Jaeyoon by his legs begging him please don’t go, when he spoke again. 

«I love you so much Binnie. I know Chanhee hates him but right now he has no other place to go and I can’t send him to his mother.» 

«I love you too, babe. I understand. I’ll talk to Chanhee. It’ll be only two weeks he’ll survive.»

Chanhee was so relieved hearing them telling each other “I love you” that almost missed the part when they talked about something he would probably hate. 

He took a few second to process it and when he did he almost cursed out loud. 

There was only a thing worse than dad and Jaeyoon braking up, worse than math homework’s, worse than being expelled, worse than the plague or anything horrible that could happen in the world. 

«Thank you. You are the best. I’m calling Seokwoo right away.» 

Exactly. 

That was the one thing. The worst thing that even happened to Chanhee since his birth, and to be fair he witnessed a pretty various series of unfortunate events. 

But that was the most unfortunate of all: meeting Kim Seokwoo.


	2. the bad beginning

«FUCK. Fuck my life. Fuck ME! I just had the most terrible and tiring day and now they brought up Seokwoo, that useless human, and guess what? He’s gonna STAY HERE FOR A WHILE!» screamed Chanhee over his phone, walking around his tree house and cursing because he almost tripped over some volumes of Katekyo Hitman Reborn. 

The tree house was something he always wanted: a small space all to himself to read manga and drink juice unbothered. He dreamed about it all his childhood he spent in the loft with his dad, where he couldn’t be too loud or run around, and when Jaeyoon asked him if he wanted something for their new home he included the tree house. 

Jaeyoon, since he was a nice person even if he knew and somehow liked Seokwoo, never said a word about Chanhee being twelve at the time and definitely too old for a tree house and just called someone to make it exactly like Chanhee dreamed. 

Of course it wasn’t exactly like he dreamed it to be: he was allowed to go in there when he had finished his homeworks only - so never since he just copied Youngkyun’s before school but he was a good liar - and when it started to be dark he had to come back home. 

It was absolutely nonsense to him, like his midnight curfew (extended to two for parties) but he followed those rules, since dad and Jaeyoon told him they worried about him when he was outside in the dark, even if he was only in his tree house. 

«Well, maybe he’s not that bad? You met him like, twice? And he’s old, I mean, he’s in college, right? He’ll probably be too busy on his studies to give a fuck about you.» replied Youngkyun, suffocating what really sounded like a yawn. 

Chanhee would have probably be offendend about his little interest about his life falling apart but he was too busy hating on Seokwoo to notice. 

Chanhee was, for obvious reasons, like his father coming out as gay when he was three years old, an only child. His mom never remarried or had boyfriends as far as he knew and obviously Jaeyoon and his dad couldn’t make a child. They probably could adopt one but Chanhee was sure they had more than enough having only him.

But there was Seokwoo, too. 

When he acknowledged his existence he was ten and very busy learning to play soccer with Jaeyoon at the park when he casually said “Seokwoo plays soccer at school”. 

Chanhee became curious, since he knew Jaeyoon for a while and knew he was never married or had a child. So Jaeyoon explained to him that his girlfriend before Chanhee’s dad had a child, called Seokwoo, and even tho they were never related Jaeyoon still loved and cared for him like a son.

Seokwoo was four years older than Chanhee, making him a freshman in high school at the time, played soccer and was very good at school. Jaeyoon came to see him every time he went back to Korea and told Chanhee that maybe they’ll met one day. 

Chanhee was not impressed at the time neither was their actual first meeting, when he, Jaeyoon and his dad came to Korea. 

It was a first for Chanhee, born and raised in Australia, and even though he spoke a pretty good korean it felt strange seeing people actually talking it in the streets. 

Their first meeting was very short, still Chanhee started to dislike him with every inch of his being. 

Seokwoo was tall, beautiful and polite, everything Chanhee never was and never will be. He smiled at him and patted his head saying how cute he was talking with that stupid voice people use with children even though Chanhee was almost eleven. 

Then he mostly talked with Chanhee’s dad and Jaeyoon about how perfect his grades were and how good he was doing in soccer and Chanhee, that was absolutely terrible in school and hated PE with every inch of his being, decided Seokwoo was dead to him. He was the classic perfect know it all boy everyone dreamed about having as a child. 

Chanhee wanted to kick him in the face. 

His first impression was confirmed every single time they met: Seokwoo was always kind and polite, always smiled to him and never got mad even when Chanhee tried to bury him alive - impossible task: he was too tall - or stole his dessert. 

His dad got mad instead and Chanhee was grounded for two weeks. 

The fact was, Seokwoo was too good to be true. He was really perfect, and that made him the most impossibly boring human on earth. Chanhee really tried to have fun with him, he even invited him to go steal some food from the catering at his dad’s and Jaeyoon’s wedding and he politely said that is wasn’t really a nice thing to do. 

And, when they spent a weekend at the sea all four together - worst weekend of Chanhee’s life - he brought books to study. 

Like, Chanhee used his school books piled as a stool to reach the top shelf of his library. 

Seokwoo was his natural nemesis and, unluckily for him, his almost step brother. 

And he was going to be in Australia, in his house for “a while”. 

He tried to convince Jaeyoon the only solution was letting Seokwoo being ate alive from the sharks or other fun ways to kill him, but his dad told him the only one who was seriously risking his life there was Chanhee since he never wanted so bad to strangle his own son. 

Then Jaeyoon pulled his best puppy face, looking at Chanhee ad saying please and promising he would buy him everything he wanted if only he could bear Seokwoo’s presence for a while. Even a Nintendo Switch. 

Chanhee always wanted a Nintendo Switch but never got one since his dad didn’t want his grades to drop even more, but he begged for it countless times, asking even for the Lite one that was cheaper, and still got no as a reply. 

Now Jaeyoon was offering it, that meant he a really, really, needed Seokwoo to be there. Chanhee would have gladly gave up on his Nintendo in order to Seokwoo to be the fuck out of his life but Jaeyoon begged and he was ready to give him something he would have never gave to him just because of Seokwoo. 

And Chanhee was fifteen and rebellious and hated Seokwoo with every inch of his being but knew too well that having someone like Jaeyoon that loved him and cared for him like a son wasn’t ordinary or something to take for granted. He knew too well the feeling of being unwanted, the one he felt every time he went to Canada, and was deeply grateful to Jaeyoon and his dad for making him feel like they were a family. 

So he gave in.

But it didn’t mean he couldn’t complain about it. 

«Not that bad? Oh, I fucking hope that you and Yoo Taeyang will be locked somewhere for HOURS. So you’ll have a glimpse of how my life will fucking SUCK the next few weeks. And how can I manage the school thing?» Chanhee lowered his voce, «I’ll have to pretend to go to school five days a week and do what? Fucking hell.» 

«Today Taeyang came and talked to me because of you so don’t even mention his name I’m already at my limit, you screwed me up. And, well, yes, pretend? Or you can tell him.» 

Chanhee was never happier about someone being unhappy than he was hearing that his best friend who was supposed to know that Seokwoo was his natural enemy and he would surely tell his parents about him being expelled. He would pull out some crap about honesty and “doing it for Chanhee’s sake” and spill everything to his dad. 

«You deserve it. I hope Yoo Taeyang will bother you forever. I can’t tell Seokwoo about it he probably cries for an A- on his assignment. He will tell dad and dad will strangle me.» 

«Yoo Taeyang asked me to have lunch with him are you happy? And I was so upset about you being gone that I accepted and I had to bear with him asking me about my favorite color and blushing every time our eyes meet while I was trying to eat hoping the food would choke me! It was horrible!» cried Youngkyun, that clearly wasn’t giving a damn about his Seokwoo situation. 

«Next time ask him to choke you, he would probably love to do that even tho I think not in a dying way. I have bigger problems here hello?» replied Chanhee. 

«I hate you, I fucking hate you. I am traumatised!»

«Well, welcome to the club. Your trauma lasted an hour mine will last weeks so how about supporting your best friend instead of telling me about Yoo Taeyang blushing?»  
Youngkyun sighed.

«You are so selfish.» 

«You love me. And I need you to come here tomorrow. He will be here at five. I can’t do it alone.» he told Youngkyun.

Silence. 

«It’s not like you want to kill him and get rid of his body? Because we are best friends but my mom will kill me if I'll be implied in a murder case. And I am still underage.» 

Chanhee rolled his eyes. 

«Of course not! Jaeyoon will never stay married to the man whose son killed his precious Seokwoo and I like my family. I won’t kill Seokwoo.» 

Well, maybe? 

He should rewatch Breaking Bad. You know, just in case he had to dissolve a corpse in acid. Of course, Seokwoo's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! I updated pretty fast since I am quarantining right now and I have nothing to do. I write to get my mind off everything that's happening and I am really enjoying it, I hope this story can bring a bit of relieve to you as well.


	4. seokwoo being weird for a day straight

The following morning Chanhee was waken up by his dad and Jaeyoon leaving at 5 am. It wasn’t like him to be up early but he still made the effort to go downstairs to say goodbye. He wouldn’t have let dad and Jaeyoon leave without saying it. 

He pretended to be annoyed by their hugs, kisses and “I love you”s and “we will miss you”s, and he was really annoyed when they started to give him rules and recommendations, so he stopped listening. 

When they left, leaving him in the empty and still dark house, his heart felt a bit weird. It would have been the first time he’d be alone for so long. But it wasn’t like him to be sad for missing his dad or Jaeyoon or anyone, so he went back to sleep. 

When he woke up the sun was high in the sky and everything seemed a bit better. He was focused on the most important things like he was alone, in a big house all for himself. 

He was, until 4 pm, of course, but Seokwoo couldn’t ruin his fun before then. So he got up, took a long bath while finishing a volume of Fullmetal Alchemist and, after that, he went in the kitchen wearing only his robe and his airpods. 

He was jamming on Taylor Swift, singing and dancing while looking in the fridge for something for breakfast - or lunch, since by now it was past 12 - planning onto consuming the meal in front of the tv watching some anime. 

That was the life he deserved. No school, no parents for a while, and most importantly no Kim Seokwoo. Only him eating in front of the tv watching anime and chilling by the pool reading mangas or with Youngkyun. 

Being expelled was the best thing that could have ever happened to him, or anyone. Sure, his dad and Jaeyoon would have been hella pissed if they knew but the best part was that they didn’t. And Chanhee had two weeks for enjoying freedom, Netflix and their credit card. 

Maybe he should order takeout. Dad and Jaeyoon gave him their VISA for that, since they knew he couldn’t cook and also for “emergencies”. And being hungry at past noon without anything but noodles to eat was a very serious life threatening emergency. Also not having the full Bleach collection was a very serious emergency and Chanhee planned to go to the comics store and buy every single volume he couldn’t buy yet. 

Life was good. 

He would have never imagined that even the short amount of time he planned to spend carefree would have been brutally interrupted. He was just thinking about pizza toppings and what Bleach’s volumes he had still to buy carelessly dancing to "We are never ever getting back together". 

He probably wouldn’t have noticed anything if it wasn’t for the big "thud" he heard, even louder than Taylor screaming that she would have never ever came back to her ex. 

He turned around, expecting the sound to be because of something that fell off because of him dancing but no, God said “let’s go hate on Chanhee for no particular reason” so it wasn’t something he dropped. 

It was something someone else dropped. 

A luggage. 

Belonging to an impossibly tall guy that was staring at him flushing bright red like Yoo Taeyang when Youngkyun took off his shirt while playing soccer. 

And Chanhee wanted to die. 

Of course, of course that fucking prick was early for no particular reason, and he had obviously caught him with damp hair, only a robe on and dancing in the kitchen listening to Taylor Swift. 

Chanhee felt suddenly very self conscious about his messy and half wet hair, his robe that was too small for him and let a big portion of his skinny legs out, he was wearing old Adidas slippers and looked like, well, a mess. 

Seokwoo looked like a fucking commercial. His hair were shiny and perfect, not even a tiny bit ruined from the flight. His clothes, a white shirt and jeans, were perfectly ironed and suited him excellently. He had a trench on his arm, because in Korea the weather was cold, and even the fucking trench looked better than Chanhee. 

«Fuck.» he could only manage to say, stopping the music that was still playing in his airpods. 

«I’m so sorry! I had to take an earlier flight there were some issues ... I thought you were in school so I didn’t text you. I’m so sorry!» blabbered Seokwoo looking at he floor. 

Chanhee wanted to kill him so bad. He always felt so small, immature and dumb next to him. And now he felt even more stupid. Thank you Seokwoo, what a great boost of self confidence. 

«Why aren’t you in school? Are you sick?» almost whimpered the guy, distracting Chanhee that was busy hating him. 

Of course. Of course fucking Seokwoo had caught him in 0 second, as expected for the golden boy he was. 

Fuck.

Fuck him. 

If they were in a movie Seokwoo would have probably been fucking Harry Potter, winning at everything and solving everything just by existing. Chanhee would have been a fucking tree or something like that, useless in comparison to magnificent Seokwoo, the Chosen One.

Maybe he should start calling him that.

Thank god Chanhee was a good liar and in 2 seconds - that two seconds he was busy plotting and Harry Potter au where Seokwoo was Harry and he was the Whomping Willow that crushed him to death - was able to make up a decent excuse. 

«Afternoon lessons got cancelled.» lied and tried watching Seokwoo in the eyes but the guy was too busy staring at the floor, ears still red.

«Oh. Ah. Well, sorry. I should’ve called or texted. I’m so sorry.» he replied, eyes still looking down. 

«Well, we are here now. You don’t have to look like this. It’s okay. Go to the guest room. First floor, first room on the left. You got your own bathroom. My room is the one at the end of the aisle. Don’t go there.» said Chanhee in the most neutral tone possible. 

Seokwoo still looked down and tired at the same time to grab his luggage. 

«Oh my god! Please look up! It’s okay, I was just dancing! Have you ever seen a guy dancing to Taylor Swift? Now you have! Get a grip on yourself!» 

Seokwoo lifted up his chin, furiously blushing. 

«It’s ... you are ...» he said, biting his lips. 

«What? Did you forget how to speak korean?» asked him Chanhee impatiently. 

«You are almost ... you are undressed!» exclaimed him. 

Chanhee looked down. 

His robe was a bit open on his chest but otherwise he was fully covered. Like, okay, half of his upper leg was naked but they were just legs and they were not boys so no big deal? 

«I am wearing a robe, is it scandalous? No, it's fucking normal wearing a robe in your own house after showering. What are you gonna do when I’ll go in the pool wearing only a swimsuit?» 

Seokwoo blushed even more. 

«I am so sorry.» said for the billionth time. 

Chanhee wasn’t sure on how he wouldn’t end up killing the guy by the end of the day, let alone by the end of his stay in the house. 

₊̣̇.ෆ˟̑*̑˚̑*̑˟̑ෆ.₊̣̇.

The ended up eating together Seokwoo’s cooking. Chanhee went upstairs with him, watching him struggling to take his suitcase and backpack up the stairs and not moving a finger to help him, silently being happy about his labour. 

Of course after that Seokwoo took off his shirt, revealing his perfectly toned arms and a wide chest under his white tee and Chanhee was reminded of his showing ribs and skinny arms so he decided to hate on him even more. 

He left him to go get dressed and by the time he had chosen a polo with a tiny alligator on it - Seokwoo wanted to brag about style? Well, Chanhee had some style as well. And that was the only decent thing he had besides Adidas tees - and some shorts and went upstairs Seokwoo was already busy in the kitchen. 

«The fuck ...?» he asked unpolitely, watching the guy wearing an apron and slicing some veggetables. Chanhee never knew they had veggies. 

«Oh. Hi. You look so nice with that shirt. I’m making lunch.» 

Well, no one fucking asked? 

«I found some kimchi and I though about some kimchi noodles with rice cakes and eggs? Do you like it?»

Again, no one fucking asked. 

Chanhee rarely ate korean food. The kimchi Seokwoo found was Jaeyoon’s, and he made it only out of boredom. They usually ate like normal australian people, and the only korean thing they really had often were instant noodles.

Of course, when they came to Korea they ate korean food, and sometimes dad tried to make something his mom used to make for him like stir fried egg rice or chapaguri, but Chanhee never liked korean food this much. 

Of course, Seokwoo was korean and knew how to cook korean dishes. And even tho Chanhee was tempted to tell him he would have liked more some Domino’s pizza he wasn’t completely rude.

«It’s okay. But I can’t eat spicy.» 

Seokwoo smiled like Chanhee just told him he won the fucking lottery. 

«I know! Don’t worry!» he said keep smiling on and Chanhee, while going to watch tv, would have sworn to hear him singing lively. 

Weirdo. 

The food wasn’t bad. Of course they had to eat in the kitchen instead of in front of the tv like Chanhee would have done, and the conversation was mostly Seokwoo asking boring questions about him or telling him anecdotes about his life Chanhee never cared about, but it could have been worse. 

Seokwoo looked ridiculously happy to be there, flashing a sad expression only when Chanhee asked him if he wasn’t concerned about skipping uni. He blabbered something that really sounded fake but Chanhee wasn’t really concerned. Seokwoo’s problems were Seokwoo’s and he wouldn’t certainly bother being worried about him. At least the perfect boy had some trouble at school as well. Maybe he was somehow human. 

₊̣̇.ෆ˟̑*̑˚̑*̑˟̑ෆ.₊̣̇.

Youngkyun arrived at 3:55 like a real best friend. Chanhee, that had spent the time between lunch and that moment watching tv and keeping an eye on Seokwoo in the kitchen - he firstly washed the dishes then went upstairs, took some books and a pencil case and started studying or whatever exactly like Chanhee expected from his boring ass - was so relieved having finally someone normal in the house. 

«Kyunnie! I missed you so much!» he cried hugging his friend tightly. 

Youngkyun pushed him away, looking disgusted but Chanhee held him tight. 

«The fuck, Chanhee?» he asked. 

In fact, they almost never hugged. Chanhee remembered few times only, when he came back from his mother one time, when Youngkyun kitty died or when they won a GTA competition. They were never physical and both hated to be touched, so they never did. But Chanhee was feeling dramatic. 

«I had a long day.» 

Youngkyun looked at him through his lashes. 

«Well, get in the line because I had a motherfucking long day too. Fucking Taeyang.» said Youngkyun probably expecting his best friend to ask about it. 

Chanhee didn’t, didn’t have the time too, because he felt a pair of eyes looking at them. 

It was Seokwoo, of course, nosy Seokwoo in his light blue jeans and perfectly ironed shirt, looking at them with a weird face.

Chanhee would have said it was an annoyed face, a utterly pissed of face, but, like, he was Seokwoo. He never got mad even when Chanhee tried his best to have a reaction from him. But here he was, looking at Chanhee and Youngkyun like he wanted to crush them both. 

Well, Chanhee would have understand why Seokwoo hated him, since he was never kind or remotely decent to him, and the feeling was perfectly mutual, but Kyun? 

Youngkyun did nothing except being reclutantly in his arms.

«Oh, well. Get the fuck off of me, Chanhee. Hi, I’m Youngkyun. Nice to meet you.» 

Seokwoo looked at him again.

If looks could kill, Youngkyun would have been dust by now. 

«Sorry, I’m not good at english.» he said, voice a little bit stingy but still polite. 

Chanhee would have laughed at his accent - Seokwoo was the worst at english and sounded like a robot the few times he tried to speak it with him instead of speaking the usual korean - but was still in shock about seeing him almost mad. 

«Sorry. Korean? I’m Kim Youngkyun. Chanhee’s friend. Nice to meet you.» said Kyun switching languages. 

«Kim Seokwoo. Nice to meet you too. I’m ... his stepbrother? Sort of.» replied Seokwoo, trying - and failing - to hide his disgusted face while bowing to Youngkyun and shaking his hand. 

«I know» said Youngkyun and suddenly Seokwoo gave him the biggest smile, like he had never looked at him theway Chanhee looked at his math homeworks.

«Really?» he asked gingerly. 

What the fuck? 

«Really, we are best friends. If you excuse us, we have to go. Youngkyun has to tell me about his boyfriend.» 

Chanhee said that as a joke and it was mainly to piss off his best friend but when he mentioned a “boyfriend” Seokwoo smiled even more widely. He almost giggled.

«Chanhee! He’s NOT my boyfriend! I’m straight! STRAIGHT!» screamed Youngkyun trying to hit him but Chanhee run away to the pool. 

«I’m gonna kill you! Fucking IDIOT!» 

Chanhee took off his shirt and jumped into the water. One second before You flying reached him and tried to drown him for revenge he had seen Seokwoo, going back to the house looking particularly content. 

What a freak. 

But then he was underwater and Youngkyun was keeping him down so he had to fight for his life and forgot all about Seokwoo being weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the slow update but I spent all week having an headache about my job and people around me costantly messaging me, tragic. Hope you're having a good day!


	5. where chanhee's straight face goes to screw itself

It was just three days but to Chanhee they felt like three decades. He had lost count on how many times he had googled “how to kill someone without going to jail” or “how to make your stepbrother leave your house without your parents getting mad”. It was, of course, as useless as his Breaking Bad rewatch. 

But it was all Seokwoo’s fault. 

First, he had to pretend to go to school evryday, that meant getting up early in the morning, eating a korean breakfast - that Seokwoo, who was a fucking early bird because perfect boys always get up at dawn, cooked for him like he was his fucking wife - and pretending to go to the bus stop with Seokwoo wearing a ridiculous apron with bunnies on it waving him goodbye. Then Chanhee had to sneak out in the garden and hide until the afternoon in his tree house, cursing Seokwoo. 

He had thought about wandering in the city, go to the mall or something but it was freaking early and he didn’t want to spend all day alone in McDonald’s. In his tree house he got mangas, a portable phone charger and pillows and blankets to sleep into. It wasn’t the best being confined in the small space for so long and skipping lunch as well - he gave up on trying to sneak in the house: Seokwoo seemed to have eyes everywhere and spend all of his time in the freaking kitchen studying or whatever - but at least it wasn’t school, no homework, no tests and no teacher. 

But also no Youngkyun. 

And something was happening while he was there, of course. And for “something” Chanhee meant Yoo Taeyang. Everytime he messaged Kyun or saw him in person Yoo Taeyang was the main subject.  
How annoying he was. How clingy. But it has been only three days and Youngkyun just texted him “sorry, can’t come today. caught up with tae. sorry. see u tmrw”. 

If Chanhee didn’t have to pretend to not exist he would probably have thrown his phone from the window. 

Now Yoo Taeyang was “Tae”. Okay, they were all Australian, even tho all korean speakers, so they never really used onorifics or formal speech but “Tae”. It has been three days and Youngkyun was already replacing him? Not to mention he never called Chanhee any nickname.

The discomfort he felt in his chest became suddenly annoyance when he heard Seokwoo moving in the house. 

It was his fault. Chanhee didn’t know how, since Seokwoo wasn’t in school with them or bothered them when Youngkyun went in the house, except for the first day when he acted weird but the other times he just minded his own business, but it was his fault. Everything was Seokwoo’s fault, even climate change. And everything would have been better if he just disappeared. 

Seokwoo was just too perfect, even up close. Even when he just got up, still in his pyjamas, he looked like a freaking model. Chanhee looked like a mess, bags under his eyes and wearing just an old tee with a hole in it and his batman boxer. He couldn’t even open properly his eyes while Seokwoo had a meal ready for him, all smiles. 

The worst thing was how Seokwoo treated him. Chanhee tried his best to avoid him and kill any conversation, hiding in the house, but they always end up exchanging some small talk. If Seokwoo were a normal guy, he would have probably just laughed at the walking disaster that was Chanhee, hair always a mess and wearing gym clothes only - the only thing he owned besides few fancy stuff for parties and his school uniform -, but no, Seokwoo was annoyingly perfect so he looked at him and talked to him like he was ... Chanhee wasn’t sure about like what. Like he was Chanhee staring at Seokwoo and not the other way around. Like he was the mere mortal having the privilege to speak to such a perfect being. 

And that made Chanhee even more than mad. 

And now he was sad for Kyun not coming that afternoon, that meant he had to spend it with Seokwoo alone. 

He wanted to die so bad. 

He needed some turning point. He needed to regain his best friend and to stop worrying about Seokwoo. 

The fact was, he and Kyun had been friends since kindergarten when it was a lot easier to get his friends' attention: he just needed to show some new skill like climbing on the tallest tree or being the faster runner in the playground. And also, Kyun was always beside him. He never left, mainly because he was an introvert who disliked making friends as much as Chanhee. They just went along with their classmates and eventually became their friends but it was really the two of them that were special, that were the real deal. 

But now there was stupid Yoo Taeyang. They always made fun of him and his obvious crush, Chanhee never thought that he was a threat. Youngkyun wasn’t gay or bi so no problem. But now maybe he liked Taeyang as a friend and that was the worst thing that could have ever happened to Chanhee after Seokwoo in the house. Because he couldn’t compete to someone Kyun was seeing everyday. He needed to get back in school. 

First thing, he grabbed his laptop from his school bag and started searching for “ways to not being expelled when you are indeed already expelled” but nothing except asking his dad and Jaeyoon to pay for a new school library or things like that seemed to remotely work. And that implied him telling his dad and Jaeyoon about the expulsion thing and nope, not happening, not when he needed his Nintendo Switch so bad. 

Then he got another idea. 

There was something he could do to show Kyun that he was still relevant in school for now. He wasn’t exactly the type to do so, but the things you do for love ... right? 

So, he needed to throw a party, invite everyone including the best friend stealer Yoo Taeyang and show Youngkyun how cool his bestie was. 

But then he remembered Seokwoo. 

Seokwoo wouldn’t allow him to have a party in his house without dad and Jaeyoon knowing. He would have called them right in the second he smelled something fishy about Chanhee. So Seokwoo needed to get the fuck out. Chanhee still had no idea about how, but he was positive about trying. 

It was already three in the afternoon so he just went down from the tree house, being careful not getting caught, planning to tell Seokwoo he got a free period and decided to just go home early and try to have him leave the house on friday night. 

He was just thinking about what he could say to get him out - set up a date with a girl? Chanhee knew many girls but Seokwoo was older and couldn’t speak english that well but well, maybe with that face conversation was optional? Not that Seokwoo looked like a playboy or something but maybe it could work? - and he got in the house without much looking around. 

«SEOKWOO!» he shouted, not noticing he was already on the couch. 

Usually Seokwoo greeted him with the biggest smile saying something like “I made cookies do you want some?” but right now he wasn’t smiling. He was trying to hide, curling up on himself on the couch but Chanhee had already seen everything. 

Seokwoo, looking the less Seokwoo that he possibly could, was crying his eyes out. 

₊̣̇.ෆ˟̑*̑˚̑*̑˟̑ෆ.₊̣̇.

Chanhee tried to make tea. He didn’t know what to do, seeing Seokwoo like this so he just said: “wait I’ll make tea” and actually made tea, disappearing in the kitchen.

The fact was, he never cried much. When he got old enough the just stopped crying, or at least tried to hide somewhere when it happened. The only time he saw someone from his family crying were Jaeyoon and his dad during their wedding and those were tears of happiness. Seokwoo’s weren’t. And the guy looked like death. 

Chanhee knew he had to come back to him and hear why he was crying. A heavy feeling started to grow in his chest when he thought maybe something happened to dad and Jaeyoon. He found himself almost running to Seokwoo, spilling half of his tea out of the cup. 

Not dad and Jaeyoon. Not Dad and Jaeyoon. 

Seokwoo thanked him with a forced smile, grabbing the cup and drinking even tho Chanhee didn’t put sugar or anything in it besides water and the tea bag. 

«I’m sorry.» said Seokwoo. 

«Are dad and Jaeyoon okay?» cut him short Chanhee, looking at him and biting his lip nervously. 

«Yes, of course... oh no baby, you thought that ... I’m so sorry no, they are okay, just some ... school stuff. I’m okay. No biggie. Everything’s okay.» 

Seokwoo spoke with a calm and soft voice, shifting from the crying mess he was before to usual Seokwoo. He squeezed Chanhee’s hand and Chanhee would have probably be disgusted by it but something was bothering him more. 

Seokwoo’s acting was getting on his nerves. 

Chanhee wasn’t like this. Chanhee was used to be loud and bother everyone with his feelings. He never showed himself crying but he showed himself a lot getting mad or frustrated for the most useless things. Sometimes he made a scene just for having a bit of attention an usually worked. He screamed, slammed doors and yelled until he was satisfied. 

He never bottled up, he just vented and then made a plan or well, just made the plan. But he never faked happiness or any emotion, and it was so annoying seeing Seokwoo forcing himself to smile. It was getting in his nerves, because Seokwoo was being typical Seokwoo, too bothered being perfect. And that was the thing he hated the most about him. 

«You were crying so I don’t think that everything is okay. Stop trying to tell me lies I am hella smart even tho I’m not a genius like you or whatever.» he said coldly. 

Seokwoo lost his fake smile. 

«I just thought ... I didn’t wanna worry ...» 

«You are so bothering me when you pretend you are perfect and everything is magical and fine. Just tell me you’re having a breakdown and I’ll leave you alone.» 

«I don’t want to be alone.» 

Seokwoo hugged his legs, pressing them agains his chest, not watching Chanhee in the eyes while saying so.

That was surely unexpected, who would have wanted public while crying? Seokwoo was hella weird. But weird was better than perfect so Chanhee decided to stay. 

«I’m here.»

He probably should have asked him why he was crying or if he wanted to talk but he just couldn’t. It was still Seokwoo and he hated him and Chanhee was, well, a fifteen years old that knew very little about cheering someone up.

«I don’t wanna talk.» said Seokwoo. 

Oh, thanks God. 

«I just wanna ... can you stay here? On the couch. You can pretend that I don’t exist or whatever you want but please stay.» 

Seokwoo usually didn’t ask for anything. Never. He didn’t ask even Jaeyoon, who clearly loved him like a son and was probably willing to give him everything. It was the first time he looked like he wanted something. Needed maybe. 

Chanhee didn’t consider himself a caring person. He cared for himself first, then his family and then Youngkyun. The end. If things were normal he probably would have made up a lie and get the hell away from the room and almost crying again Seokwoo. But things weren’t normal. 

Maybe it was the scare. Or maybe it was Kyun dropping him for Yoo Taeyang. Maybe it was the feeling that Seokwoo would have desperately needed someone there. 

So he stayed. 

He didn’t say anything, because it was too embarsssing, he just grabbed Seokwoo’s hand and squeezed it like he did with his before. 

Seokwoo started crying again. 

It was weird and Chanhee really didn’t know what to do, he wanted to run away and frown himself in the pool but he didn’t. 

He just held his hand tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's it! I'll try to update weekly since now, if you have a preferred day just let me know! I was thinking about friday, this was planned to go up friday but today I was productive so here it is! Also I made twitter, I'm @dawonnie if you wanna talk to me! Have a nice day folks


	6. where seokwoo is obvious and same goes for chanhee

So. 

They held hands. They ... cuddled? Chanhee didn’t know how to define the thing when Seokwoo just curled up on his chest and stayed there. Chanhee patted his head. Twice. For two fucking times Chanhee had seriously thought about doing something to make Seokwoo feel better, and Seokwoo was like, his natural enemy. It wasn’t horrible tho. It was ... scary? Chanhee’s heart raced while Seokwoo was on his chest, eyes half closed, silently crying again. He didn’t know what to do so he patted his head and let him rest on him while his heart was almost exploding in his chest. 

But it wasn’t like, the bad scary. It was scary like going on a rollercoaster, like the first jump in the ocean. And Chanhee didn’t know how to feel about that. 

Sure, when it all ended and Seokwoo excused himself to go make dinner - they spent all afternoon almost hugging, Chanhee almost choked on his own saliva when he realised - Chanhee came back at his usual self and felt disgusted, angry and frustrated, like, the usual emotions he had around stupid Seokwoo. 

There was no fear, if you can call fear what he had felt before. 

He wanted to tell Kyun, he grabbed his phone and almost texted him but he saw the last message and the fucking “Tae” so he gave up.

He still had to tell Seokwoo to go fuck himself on Friday so he could host his party without perfect boy telling Jaeyoon. 

He suddenly felt even more rage. He didn’t deserve it. He deserved to be in school, with Youngkyun and all of their friends, mocking Yoo Taeyang. He deserved Seokwoo in Korea far away from him and their almost hugging session. He deserved to not be mad because life seemed like a joke since he was expelled. 

He was so mad he couldn’t stop himself from throwing furiously a pillow on the couch next to him. 

His hands curled up in fists, grabbing the pillow’s fabric. He wanted to rip it apart. He wanted to scream. Maybe cry, when Seokwoo wasn’t in the room next to him. 

Everything was horrible. Kyun had “Tae” now and he ended up with Seokwoo offering him a shoulder to cry on instead of the usual coldness Seokwoo deserved. 

The worst part was that it wasn’t that bad. It was scary, new, weird, having gigantic Seokwoo holding onto him like a baby, it should have probably felt disgusting but it wasn’t. A part of Chanhee, a part he didn’t know existed until now, liked it, liked Seokwoo’s scent, his soft hair, the way he held his hand tight. 

Chanhee never liked physical affection, even when it was from his dad or Jaeyoon. He used to run away from hugs and kisses, giving in only when he was too tired or sad. Actually, sometimes, when he was sad, he liked to go to the living room, when his dad was watching tv and sit silently next to him until he hugged him and they watched whatever was on together. 

Dad wasn’t there so he had to replace him with Seokwoo, even if it was Seokwoo, just because Youngkyun made him that sad. 

Sure, that made sense. 

Just a replacement. Because Youngkyun was being a terrible friend and he was so upset and angry and wanted to smash Yoo Taeyang’s face for stealing his best friend from him in three days. 

And sometimes Chanhee had those days too. 

He never craved love. At his age many of his friends got a girlfriend, got someone that cared for them that wasn’t in their family. And even though Chanhee always acted like love was disgusting to him, sometimes it wasn’t. 

Sometimes it would have been nice to have someone to care about him when he was sad, someone to lean on, someone who would have showered him with love, the kind of love Kyun could never give him. 

It was also his personality: he wasn’t soft or shy, he was always almost arrogant, mischievous, funny. Not the kind of guy you’d expect to enjoy cuddles. 

But sometimes he could himself craving it, craving someone else’s warmth and care. 

And maybe it was that, being mad and being blue, seeing Seokwoo crying, he just needed someone to be there and Seokwoo’s needed that too. 

«Hey. Dinner’s almost ready. Are you ... are you okay?»  
Seokwoo appeared on the doorway, not moving any closer to the couch where Chanhee was still sitting on, like he was afraid. 

«Yes. No. I don’t know. Are you okay?» asked Chanhee.

«No. But I’m better. Thank you.» 

Chanhee didn’t know what happened to him but he found himself asking: «Wanna talk about it?» 

«It’s a long story. Maybe I’ll tell you about it later. And you? Wanna talk about it?» 

Chanhee never talked. Well, just to his dad and Jaeyoon because they were so into the family communication thing, like “we are a family and we talk about our problems”. He never even talked with Kyun, they just acknowledged they’re having a bad day and proceed to distract each other with new shenanigans. 

Chanhee sure wasn’t a talker either, not in general and most of all not into talking about his problems. He just ... got mad? Cried alone? And eventually got over it, but he never really felt the desire to share what was on his mind. 

He was about to tell Seokwoo “no, thanks” or something along the line, but since he was silent for a while the older guy spoke first: «Come on, let me know what’s going on on that beautiful mind.»

He said it shyly, like it was a bad thing, but Chanhee loved it. 

His heart skipped a beat when he heard “that beautiful mind”. He didn’t even know why, it was just that he was so happy to hear that. Like he needed to know that someone considered his messy and most of the time idiotic mind “beautiful”. So his answer changed. 

«It’s just ... Kyun got a new friend. And I feel alone. Not only because of that because I am alone. I have many friends and generally people like me a lot I don’t even know why because I don’t like people ... but whatever. It’s just that ... you know, your crying thing from before. No one would have cared. Or stayed. No one would have been concerned about it because I am Chanhee and I am strong and I am funny and ...» 

He stopped talking because his nose bumped on Seokwoo’s chest. He didn’t even noticed him coming closer until he was hugging him. 

And he found himself there, in his arms, his face buried in his chest, unable to finish whatever he was saying before. 

«I do care. I know you don’t like me. I am not stupid. I know you despise me but I like you. A lot. And I care when you are sad and I want to be there.» 

«You don’t even know me.» objected Chanhee, because it was easier than focusing on how full his heart was feeling in his moment. 

He knew it was timing. He needed someone, Seokwoo was there, right place, right time. It wasn’t even affection, because they were almost strangers, they just shared few days Chanhee looking gloomy and Seokwoo radiating his usual fake happiness. 

«I know. But for what I see I like you. God, you can’t understand I used to be so obsessed with you. Maybe I still am. You are like ... so amazing. You are free. The first time I saw you you never made a mystery about how bad you wanted to choke me. You didn’t care about being polite or being liked you just cared about being you. You still do. And I like it. I love it. And after all that crying thing, as you called it, I like you even more. You just do what you want, not caring being coherent. You just do what you feel to be doing in the moment. And it’s amazing. And I know you are much more complicated than that, like now you got sad and you showed me a new side of you that honestly I’d never thought you have but I like you even more. And I want to be there for you and watch you being you, because this is amazing. You are amazing. When you’re happy, when you’re mad or sad. You are just wonderful. And I do care if something is hurting you, I want to be there, I want to heal you, so we go back at our usual agenda of you hating me and me pretending I’m not noticing.» 

Chanhee stopped breathing for a second. What was that? A compliment? An admission of Seokwoo’s stalkerish behaviour? 

He didn’t know how to feel. Well, he knew how he was feeling but proceeded to pretend not to in order to not having to deal with that. Pretending that wasn’t nice to hear. It was the first time someone sounded so wonderstruck talking about him. 

He sounded almost like some kind of guy straight out of a romcom. And Chanhee despised them, because they were boring but most importantly because he always thought something like that would have never happen to him. Who would take the time to listen to him? He wasn’t kind, he was always the funny side kick and nothing else. Guys like him won’t get the girl, won’t get any romance. And that was okay most of the times, because he loved himself and was okay alone, but sometimes wasn’t because he wanted love too, but he always thought he was never made for it. And sometimes that was a heavy burden to carry, realising he would have never been loved like that because he was too much ... of something, but too much. 

Funny thing, Seokwoo’s words were the most loving things someone outside his family ever said to him. And that was sad. 

But he was there, and Chanhee hated to admit it, but thank god he was. 

«I want to throw a party on friday.» he said, even tho he didn’t want to. 

He wanted something else. He didn’t know what he wanted yet, but he was sure: it wasn’t telling Seokwoo about the party. 

«The kind you can’t tell your dad about, right?» said Seokwoo, softly giggling but still holding him in his arms.  
«Well ... it would be appreciated if he doesn’t know. And Jaeyoon too.» replied Chanhee. 

«I’ll keep your secret. And I’ll be in my room, pretending i don’t exist, okay?» 

It was unexpected. And nice. And a bit sad that Seokwoo said that, even tho it was exactly what Chanhee thought just moments earlier. 

But it was before. 

«You can come. Well maybe you’ll be bored since you are older and my friends are all in high school, but you can join us. We are ... brothers? Sort of.» 

He never liked saying that Seokwoo was his brother. He was jealous, because Seokwoo was the perfect son and it would have been no doubt that dad and Jaeyoon would have preferred him if he was their child as much as Chanhee - well he wasn’t exactly Jaeyoon’s son but he always considered him like a father, and Jaeyoon acted like one yo him even tho he never asked about being called “dad” or anything like that -. 

Now he found himself hating the brother thing even more, even though he just acted like that with him. Well, at least he wasn’t completely gone nuts. 

«I’d love to. Thanks, Chanhee. Are you sure you won’t be embarrassed by me being older and not being really good with english?» 

Seokwoo was an idiot so he wasn’t exactly aware about his appearance. The girls - and maybe Yoo Taeyang - would have been crazy for him since he was this handsome. 

And even though Yoo Taeyang finally stopping being between him and Kyun and crushing for Seokwoo would have been a great solution for most of Chanhee’s problems, he found himself really hoping that wouldn’t be the case. Same thing with the girls. 

He was probably going insane. 

«Of course, you are embarrassing. But I’ll deal with it.» he replied, not looking at him in the eyes. 

Seokwoo broke their embrace and Chanhee found himself missing it already and almost clinging on him, just to be hugged again. 

Was he really that affection starved?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise i’m not dead (yet)


	7. how to ruin your own party for yourself and make it up for it in 5 minutes

So the party went okay. At least, for the first five minutes, when Kyun arrived all smiles and he and Chanhee sat on the couch drinking coke and greeting all the people that kept coming. 

Kyun told Chanhee about school, not mentioning Yoo Taeyang even once, and that made Chanhee in a super good mood. The plan was working, eveyone was having fun and Kyun was his best friend again, like nothing happened. 

He even smiled to Seokwoo, that was alone in a corner drinking beer, since everyone talked in english and his language skills weren’t good enough. Chanhee almost felt sorry for him, so when a third year named Inseong that was one of the few people that spoke fluent korean – they were in a korean school but most of them knew little or no korean at all and their korean classes weren’t good enough to make them able to hold a proper conversation besides the basics – came to greet him and Kyun, he politely asked him to keep Seokwoo a little company. 

Inseong was more than happy to do so – he came to Australia just a few years before and his english was good but not excellent, a bit like Chanhee’s korean – and he dragged with him his friend (minion? Chanhee never understood their dinamics) Sanghyuk that looked a bit pissed. Maybe he was one of the many people that didn’t know shit about korean and failed every single class, despite having a korean name and family. 

Chanhee smiled to Seokwoo again when he saw him and Inseong starting a conversation and a super pissed Sanghyuk frowning besides them, then proceeded to give Youngkyun attention. They were talking about a new anime that was coming out that fall and they were really excited, Chanhee was just asking him to came watch it with him every Thursday, but he noticed his friend’s expression changing dramatically. 

He just … started to glow. He started smiling, in a way that Chanhee had never seen him smiling before. He got up, adjusting his shirt, and walked across the room, waving at someone.  
Of course, someone was Yoo Taeyang. 

“Chanhee, come here!” said Kyun, not even bothering to stop looking at Yoo Taeyang like he was the best thing on the planet. 

Chanhee wanted to die, not to “come here” and third wheeling for Kyun and his new bff. He looked at Seokwoo, who was in the middle of a conversation with Inseong and Chanhee was surprised to feel something ache in his chest. He almost felt Sanghyuk, who was giving the pair death glares. 

“Come on, mate!” 

Kyun’s voice distracted Chanhee from his aching heart, and he went to Youngkyun and his useless new friend. 

Up close, it was obvious that Yoo Taeyang was absolutely in love with Kyun. He looked at him almost drooling, blushing when Youngkyun offered him a can of beer and opened it for him, like Taeyang wasn’t able to do it on his own. Youngkyun never opened anything for Chanhee. 

Yoo Taeyang tried to make conversation, but things haven’t changed: he was still awkward around Youngkyun and he was able to say just an “hi” before almost choking on his beer. Chanhee hoped he’d have choked for real. 

It was Kyun who did – strangely – most of the talk. He started telling Chanhee about some school stuff, like someone that sneaked a whole bunch of beers at lunch and got drunk and ended up throwing up in trig, but Chanhee was too busy looking at him and Yoo Taeyang to really listen to his story. 

Kyun was different. 

It was the way he moved around Taeyang, if before he had always hunched his shoulders when he was around in attempt to not be noticed now his back was fully straight, one of his hands was on the table, holding onto it for balance, buti it almost looked like that weird position was for him to almost hug Taeyang’s shoulders. 

He only looked at him.

Even if Chanhee was the one he was telling to story to, Kyun was only looking at Taeyang, was only smiling at him in a way that Chanhee had never seen him smiling to anyone before. 

When Tayeang run out of beer – Chanhee thought he drank almost all in once to ease his clear emabarssment – Kyun was quick to grab his empty can and to ask him, in a gentle tone that was so not Kyun, if he wanted another beer. 

Chanhee really wanted to die when Taeyang blushed, because Kyun got closer to him to ask the question and wanted to die even more seing his best friend blush too. 

“Chanhee.”

Hearing his name was surely a blessing and Chanhee really wanted to kiss anyone who was putting him out of his misery until he noticed it was Seokwoo. 

Well, better than thirdwheeling for those two. 

He excused himself too quickly for someone who was going to have a chat with his mortal enemy, but he didn’t care. He almost hugged Seokwoo, turning to him. 

Seokwoo pointed at the garden and Chanhee quietly followed him there, cursing his fate since now Seokwoo was a more enjoyable company than his own best friend, who went completely crazy for that idiot who looked like a goldfish. 

Fucking Yoo Taeyang. 

They sat on the grass, looking at the dark city sky like there were any stars while Chanhee was cursing at Taeyang in his head. 

“You looked like you wanted an escape” said Seokwoo. 

True. 

“I wanted to choke myself to death. It’s worse than I ever imagined.”

Seokwoo raised his eyebrows, but of course, perfect boy Seokwoo that had almost all the girls whispering at the party could never understand. 

Kyun liked Taeyang, and Chanhee noticed in like two seconds that the way Kyun liked him was totally different from the way he liked Taeyang. 

He liked Taeyang in that way. The boyfriend way. He probably didn’t even realize, since as far as Chanhee knew he was straight – they never really talked about girls and they both agreed that couples were gross – but sooner or later Taeyang and him will end up together. 

And there would have been no space left for Chanhee. 

It never bugged him too much, not having a girlfriend, but lately it was like the world wanted to rub in his face that everyone had somebody but him. He always had Kyun, but not anymore.   
Kyun was Taeyang’s now, and soon they’d have their own little world Chanhee wouldn’t be invited to. 

So in a week he was expelled from school, lost his best friend and was living with Seokwoo that was like a giant reminder that he was and never would be good enough, because Seokwoo was perfect, Seokwoo never got expelled, Seokwoo never had his best friend stolen by someone else. 

Seokwoo was wanted, was loved by everyone that laid his eyes on him. 

Chanhee was considered funny, maybe, but easy to forget. Not anyone’s first choice. 

“Do you like him? Youngkyun. More than a friend?” asked Seokwoo so quietly Chanhee almost didn’t hear him. 

Of course not. He would have never wated to kiss him or hold hands or anything. He loved him, but in a way that was more the way you love a brother than a boyfriend. It was more complicated than that. 

“No.”

He couldnt explain the rest, what was going on in his brain. Seokwoo couldn’t understand. 

“It’s like … it’s because what you told me the other day? That you think you will never be loved?” 

Chanhee didn’t reply. 

It was true, tho. 

It was true since Chanhee was big enough to understand that his mother didn’t even like him, that he couldn’t really get close to anyone besides Youngkyun, that sometimes people left without a reason, friends became strangers and that hurt. 

He never thought he would have lost Kyun, tho. 

His love and the one from his dad and Jaeyoon most days was enough. But now he had Taeyang and Chanhee wasn’t his favorite person anymore. He was just a person. 

He wasn’t the one Kyun would tell things first, because he would tell Taeyang. Not the first one he called when he wanted to hang out, since he had Taeyang now. 

And Chanhee had nobody. Not even a Nintendo Switch to kill his time. 

“You are loved, though.” Said Seokwoo again. 

“I know: dad and Jaeyoon love me. I know.” brushed him off Chanhee. 

“I love you, too.” said Seokwoo, probably out of pity. 

“Oh, Lord. I know, okay? You find me funny and whatever you said it’s very nice thank you very much, but it’s not like that, this is not the problem. The problem is that Kyun likes Taeyang in that way and Taeyang likes him back, of course, he is hoplessly in love with him since a year and everyone knows but no one, no one ever, even in a billion years, will like me that way. I’ll never be anyone’s favorite person and a priority to anyone apart from my own dad not even my own mother …”

His angry rambling was cut out by Seokwoo. 

“I told you, I love you.” he repeated. 

Brilliant. Did he think Chanhee was an idiot and couldnt understand that simple sentence?

“Yes but it’s not like …”

Seokwoo rolled his eyes and Chanhee wanted to punch him in the face and almost did so but Seokwoo leaned in and kissed him on the lips so he needed a moment. 

What. 

It was just a peck, nothing like a real kiss – not that Chanhee had ever kissed anyone – but still. Chanhee looked at him in shock and disbelief. 

Was it like, a prank? 

God, his life was seriously a joke. 

“See? I like you. I love you. You are my favorite person since, well, I can’t remeber. So stop complaining, even if you don’t like me, you are loved indeed.” said Seokwoo looking at the grass.

Chanhee had various options: he could scream at him and run away since they were almost brothers – Chanhee hated that and they weren’t related nor by blood nor on paper but well – he could turn him away politely or well, the third option. 

His brain went blank after just thinking that, only one thought flashing in it: “if you don’t kiss him right now you’ll die”. 

And Chanhee, if it was like, a normal situation, would have asked himself if he as going mad, if he was on drugs or something, but not now. Right now, thinking wasn’t a priority. 

He grabbed Seokwoo’s face, turning it to him and kissed him the best as he could. A real kiss, not that thing Seokwoo gave him that was like, a first graders’ kiss. 

Seokwoo froze. 

Idiot. 

“Are you going to kiss me back or you’d rather complain about the fact that I don’t like you?” asked Chanhee, stopping the kiss since it wasn’t reciprocated and taking this chance to move and sit almost on Seokwoo’s lap. 

Seokwoo looked like he had seen a ghost. Or several ghosts.

“Are you … are you drunk? High?” he asked, stuttering. 

“I only had a coke. Now, would you please, since you stated you love me, and kissed me after saying that, kiss me again or are you already changing your mind?” 

“Never” said Seokwoo and he brushed his lips agains Chnahee’s. 

“Oh my god are you twelve? Come on.”

It was Chanhee that kissed him again, trying again to have a proper kiss. 

When Seokwoo kissed him back, hugging him with one arm and putting his hand in hair, something inside Chanhee seemed to ease.

It felt right. 

Well, of course it wasn’t probably right, since well, he was kissing Seokwoo and he hated him, well, no, he didn’t anymore well, it wasn’t the time to figure out his feelings now.

Buti t felt right. The right time, the right moment, the right person. 

Chanhee felt right. For the first time, he didn’t feel wrong or awkward or out of place. Everything was perfect, the way it should be. 

Him and Seokwoo, kissing in his garden ignoring the party inside, his arms around him holding him tight. 

Oh, he was so fucked. 

But that wasn’t the time to worry about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still not dead, and yup they kissed


	8. what happens after the big kiss

Chanhee woke up because of some noise somewhere in the house. He gulped, because well, he was alone and he couldn’t call dad or Jaeyoon to defend him, and while he tried to master the courage to go see whoever it was his hand touched something. 

Something warm. 

He looked at it, and it was Seokwoo, curled on himself, sleeping peacefully next to him. 

And Chanhee remembered. 

The party, Kyun’s new crush, the talk he had with Seokwoo and the kisses. Expecially the kisses. He remembered the excruciating pain of having to return to the party and act somehow normal, pretending to listen to Kyun’s ramble while the only think he wanted was Seokwoo. The party passed agonisingly slowly, but it was all like a fogged memory to him, nothing really mattered except Seokwoo, and they weren’t kissing, so all the time they spent apart was a waste and without any meaning. 

The party’s end was a bliss. The house was messy and they should have probably at least clean the beer stains from the table but they didn’t bother, Chanhee at least didn’t. 

The second they closed the door behind the last ones that left Chanhee grabbed Seokwoo’s face and kissed him, and finally everything was okay again. 

Chanhee remembered that he made Seokwoo stumble on the couch and they kissed there for a while, but then it was not enough, Chanhee wanted more, wanted Seokwoo all over him without those stupid clothes. 

Remembering that Chanhee wanted to die so bad. He looked at himself, discovering that he was only wearing his boxers and well, that wasn’t a good sign. He looked at Seokwoo, that was for sure without a shirt. 

Chanhee remembered tossing it away when they made it to the bedroom, wishing that the law forbade Seokwoo to ever wear one again. 

Please don’t be naked, please don’t be naked, please don’t be naked

He tossed away the covers but luckily Seokwoo was still in his jeans. Thank God. Chanhee never thought he’d thank God for being still a virgin but here he was. 

It was painful, tho, remembering that he hadn’t the same opinion last night. He was Seokwoo who said no and Chanhee remembered how pissed he was not to be able to get in his pants. 

Maybe he was going crazy. 

Then, again, some noise, like someone walking. And he remembered that the fact that he made out with Seokwoo wasn’t his number one problem. 

«Chanhee?» 

Seokwoo was waking up, his hair a mess around his head and his eyes barely open. He looked well, amazing, despite that - so hot, said a voice in Chanhee’s head, and the same voice started to list all the things he could do to him and Chanhee felt like dying -. 

Another noise thankfully woke Chanhee up from all his thought that were about to get really spicy. 

«There’s someone in the house. Or something.» 

Seokwoo looked at fist confused, then he noticed that Chanhee was almost totally undressed and his eyes went so big they almost looked like they were about to pop out of his head. 

«We didn’t have sex. You didn’t want to.» said Chanhee, in a surprisingly - especially to himself - pissed tone. 

«I know but ... are you okay? I didn’t want to hurt you and I am sorry and we can forget about ...» he started rambling, almost in the verge of tears, like he did something horrible. 

Well he did, since he didn’t let Chanhee have sex with him like he so desperately wanted to and right now, seeing him that messy and without a shirt he’s completely mad they didn’t sleep together, fuck virginity. Being a virgin was useless if Seokwoo was that hot. 

Chanhee knew he’d regret all of this later. Since like, ten seconds ago he was one hundred percent sure that kissing Seokwoo and everything they did was a huge mistake. 

But he can’t let Seokwoo being sad like that. Sad Seokwoo is annoying. 

«I don’t wanna forget about it. I want to kiss you again and do more than that and never leave this bed or your arms but sadly, I think someone is in the house. So, you know, priorities.» 

Seokwoo blushed so hard that Chanhee believed he was having a stroke or something but he also looked so genuinely happy, almost relieved, and he tried so hard to hide a smile. 

A genuine one, not the fake smiles he was usually throwing around. 

Something in Chanhee’s chest became bigger, and warmer, and he just wanted to hug him and kiss his lips and tell him he was the most beautiful man in the world and he was his, only his. 

Of course, he elaborated that thought and a second later he wanted to punch himself for being that cringe but another noise reminded him he had bigger problems. 

«Oh, god. Well, you stay here and I ...» 

Seokwoo looked so pale and almost trembling that it was ironic he was trying to be the hero. 

«You’ll die in a second. I’m going. Stay here.» 

Not that Chanhee wasn’t scared. He was young and the only thing he had was his phone with the police number ready to be called but he wasn’t sure that would have been enough. He had just never been totally alone in the country, with no dad or Jaeyoon that far from him. 

He wanted them there, no he didn’t, because he did well, what he did with Seokwoo and he knew they’ll be even more mad than they’ll be about the whole expulsion thing when they’ll discover it. 

So he had to be an adult and face adult things. And protect Seokwoo, maybe, since he looked like death, fidgeting bed sheets.

Chanhee grabbed his jeans, putting them on - no way he’ll die in his boxers - and swallowed. He needed to go. So he got up, praying that it’s just nothing, even if he could clearly hear someone walking but whatever, maybe it’s his imagination. 

Seokwoo followed him, and Chanhee didn’t want to. It was not about Seokwoo being probably useless in a fight - not that Chanhee was strong or ever went to the gym - it was about Seokwoo being hurt. It was so annoying and frustrating thinking about him being hurt or sad or just not happy and safe. 

Maybe Chanhee was going mad. 

They got into the hallway, ending up holding hands like they were four years old but there’s something about holding someone hand while being scared that keeps you on the ground, Chanhee thought, something that anchors him and his mind right there, right now, stopping him from thinking about the worst case scenario. 

The noises led to a guest room, so they opened the door, holding each other hand tighter. Chanhee felt almost ready to jump in front of Seokwoo if someone tried to hurt him - Seokwoo can’t get hurt, no - but there was no need. 

It was just Inseong, one of the schoolmates Chanhee invited the night before, and his friend/minion Sanghyuk. Inseong was walking everywhere in the room, rambling about a sock he apparently lost, and Chanhee just wanted to ask why they were still in his house, why Inseong lost a sock and maybe yell at them even if they are older than him, but he was stopped since Sanghyuk, who was previously sitting on the bed, got up, got next to Inseong and kissed him. On the mouth. 

Chanhee’s eyes almost fell down from his orbits. What. 

Inseong kept complaining after that, just to be silenced with another kiss, longer than the other. 

Chanhee felt almost guilty seeing this, because it looks so intimate, even if it’s just a shut up kiss and they look like they kissed a billion times before this. He also wants that with Seokwoo. Now that they were sure no one is trying to rob them they could go back to Seokwoo’s room and finally kiss again, kiss like this, Chanhee on his tiptoes for him like Sanghyuk is for Inseong, hands in his hair, and Chanhee felt like this was more than a wish, a desire, it was a need, he almost couldn’t breathe again because he needed to kiss him, but God had other plans. 

«WHAT?» 

Inseong spotted them, and immediately tried to sneak away from Sanghyuk’s arms, but he held him in place, not letting him go. 

«You are in my house. What did you do all night there? Why you didn’t go home?» asked Chanhee. 

«We had a fight. And then ... well, we made up. And we fell asleep. Sorry.» said Sanghyuk, looking everything but sorry and still holding Inseong like a trophy or something. 

Chanhee wanted to die. So they had sex. In his guest room. Oh, Jesus. He needed to wash the sheets. Maybe burn them would be better. 

He knew people occasionally had sex at parties but well, not his parties. Not when he was two rooms away trying - and failing - to get in Seokwoo’s pants. 

«This is disgusting.» he said, looking at them angrily. He didn’t know if he was more pissed about them doing it under his roof or about him not being able to do the same with Seokwoo.

And yes, he was totally incoherent with himself but whatever. 

«Don’t act so innocent.» replied Inseong, raising his eyebrows, «And we are sorry. Sanghyuk got jealous and well ... » 

«I told you he wasn’t straight. And I’m tired to hide. It’s almost two years.» replied Sanghyuk. 

«Two years? Inseong is here only since months?» interrupted them Chani, in disbelief. 

«We met online when Inseong was trying to know more about Australia and Sydney since he was going to move there. We got along pretty well so we started dating but Inseong won’t tell anyone.» said Sanghyuk, looking at Inseong with his arms crossed on his chest. 

Chanhee had always seen them together at school but well, gay? Sanghyuk? He looked too dumb, too much the classical frat boy or something. 

«It’e different, if you’re korean. It’s not that easy.» said Seokwoo, looking down and almost whispering.

Chanhee held his hand tighter, because he felt something in his voice, the same something he has in his own when he talks about his mom. 

«I told him, but he keeps bugging me when he sees me being friendly with a handsome guy.» replied Inseong, shaking his head. 

«I’m just mad if they try to hit on you like you’re not taken. I want to tell them that I am your boyfriend, and to get the fuck away form you.» 

«I wasn’t hitting on him.» said Seokwoo. 

«Seokwoo’s taken.» added Chanhee, just to be sure that no one will ever think Seokwoo was available. He was not. He was his. 

Seokwoo almost choked with his own saliva. 

♡´･ᴗ･`♡

Breakfast wasn’t a need. Kissing almost desperately on the couch the second Inseong and Sanghyuk walked away was. For the both of them. 

Seokwoo was very careful the night before. It was Chanhee that was wild, that couldn’t properly hold himself back since it was the first time he felt something like this for someone and he couldn’t help it but being overwhelmed. 

Now Seokwoo was almost as needy as him and Chanhee liked it so much. He liked, almost loved, when Seokwoo dragged him on the couch and kissed him roughly, he liked his hands on his chest and his back, and he wanted more. 

He always wanted more with Seokwoo it was almost intoxicating. His smell, his hands, his lips, his hips, everything was just perfect for him. Especially when Seokwoo was as into it as he was. 

«Before» said Seokwoo, between kisses, almost panting and even Chanhee found himself short of breath, «you said I was taken.» 

Oh well, that. Chanhee was out of his mind, of course. He doesn’t want a boyfriend. He was straight just since the night before. And he hated Seokwoo. Well, something inside him reminded him that wasn’t hate, that was him being jealous of him since Seokwoo was perfect and he was just a mess but right now ... it was different. Because Seokwoo, perfect Seokwoo, that wasn’t so perfect as he seemed - and that was why Chanhee ... Chanhee had some feelings for him - liked him. He said he loved him. And he has no reason now to hate him. He can ... he can do whatever but he doesn’t hate him anymore. He never did. But now, hate and jealousy gone, that was a mess, and Chanhee didn’t want to think about it. 

But he wanted Seokwoo. 

The idea of him being like this with someone else, thinking of him kissing another guy or a girl, it was just unbearable. Seokwoo was his. And Chanhee never wanted someone or something like this, not even a Nintendo Switch, or Youngkyun. 

The world could have stopped existing and Chanhee couldn’t care less, as long as Seokwoo is his. 

«Yeah. Mine.» he said and Seokwoo just grabbed him and kissed him deeply, holding him so thought against him that almost hurts. 

«If it’s a dream, please don’t wake me up. And if it’s like ... a joke or something to make fun of me just ... don’t please. Or at least pretend until I’m gone.» murmured Seokwoo. 

He wanted to go back to kissing, and Chanhee did too, but he couldn’t. Not like this. There was something very wrong about what Seokwoo said. And Chanhee didn’t really think about it but just spoke to him, in a gentle tone that he didn’t think belonged to him. 

«I’m not pretending. I ... I kinda hate saying that but I like you. I probably liked you since we met but you were too perfect and annoying. When we talked, that time, when you cried ... I mean, when you act like a normal human, I like you. I thought it was just tolerating until you kissed me, but it’s clearly not. I want you.» he said and it was so easy, even though Chanhee hates talking about his feelings. 

But he needed to. He didn’t want Seokwoo to feel unwanted. Because he knows what it feels like. He knows what it feels like begging to be loved, praying that someone at least pretends to love you, and he doesn’t want anyone ever to feel that way. 

He also doesn’t want to be the one that makes others feel that way. He doesn’t want to be like his mom. 

So he held Seokwoo hands, bringing it up to his face so he can kiss it. It felt intimate, somehow even more than the kisses and touches they shared before. 

«Are you sure ... I mean, not only that you like me. About this. Because I think it’s wrong and Jaeyoon will hate me so much and he’s pretty much the only person that tolerates my sight now and I shouldn’t have kissed you but I was so tired of being scared and hide all the time and honestly I’d never thought you’d like me back and right now I made a huge mess and I’d hate if you feel somehow obligated doing this because you aren’t at all and ...»

Right. Chanhee hadn’t thought about Jaeyoon. Seokwoo was very dear to him, almost like a son, but in fact he wasn’t. Sure, Jaeyoon - and dad - wouldn’t have been so happy knowing Chanhee had a party where he kissed Seokwoo and tried multiple times to do more, being stopped every single time tho. But the relationship, it couldn’t be an issue. 

Relationship? Fuck. Chanhee wasn’t sure about this, not because it was Seokwoo, but him? A boyfriend? He felt so immature. He never liked kissing or dating or everything boys his age did with girls and doing it with Seokwoo ... well kissing was more than okay. Dating ... maybe? Like, Chanhee wasn’t a big fan of going to the movies but maybe for some anime ... he didn’t really know what else people did at dates. Probably Seokwoo knew and wanted that. 

Chanhee just wanted to watch Tokyo Ghoul with him, curled up on the couch, and stop halfway through an episode because who cares about Ken Kaneki, kissing was more important. 

Maybe that would be enough for Seokwoo. 

Then he realised. 

Seokwoo will be back to Korea. He didn’t know the exact date, dad and Jaeyoon never told him and he was too busy being angry to care, but he had school and his mom and he will be gone. 

The pain it gave to Chanhee was almost intolerable. 

«I want this. I want you. But you’ll be back to Korea.» 

Please, don’t. Please don’t. Because I know what happens every time people go away. They start to forget me. Mom did. Please don’t. Stay. 

Seokwoo looked gloomy. 

«Chanhee ... I am afraid I won’t be back soon. My mom and her boyfriend ... they kicked me out. I can’t even go back to school, I was expelled. Jaeyoon ... I hadn’t anyone else to call. I am sorry.» 

Chanhee looked at him in disbelief. Seokwoo, perfect Seokwoo, expelled? Kicked out of the house? 

Chanhee felt like an idiot. He had always looked down at him, because Seokwoo had it all and had it so easy. Perfect grades, good appearance. He told him just the night before how unloved he felt but he had dad and Jaeyoon and Seokwoo didn’t even blink an eye, even though his family kicked him out. And even before, Chanhee mocked him about school but Seokwoo never told him anything, just took his words in, like they didn’t hurt. 

«I ... I was with this guy, at school. We weren’t dating, I was trying to forget ... to forget you, I’m so sorry ... and he reported me. He thought we were seen so he put all the blame on me. He said I ... I was harassing him. And I couldn’t say anything because he has videos ... video of me. And him. Like, those kind of videos. He told me he’ll release those on the internet if I told anyone about us. So I got expelled and my mom and her boyfriend got so mad because I’m gay. Especially him. He barely tolerated Jaeyoon just because he is so tall and muscular and I think he’s somehow afraid of him ... but he’s not afraid of me. So they kicked me out and told me to never show up again. I slept at my friend’s for a while but he’s moving out for university and I was desperate and ... I am sorry. I am sorry about everything. I lied to you. I am not the person you thought I was.» 

Seokwoo didn’t cry. He didn’t watch Chanhee in the eyes either, looking down like he’s telling some terrible truth. It is a terrible truth, indeed, but that’s not like Seokwoo said. 

Chanhee wasn’t disappointed in him, Chanhee didn’t feel like he was lied to. He felt like an useless prick who was insensitive and childish towards someone who was in so much pain, he felt so sorry for him for having to carry that burden alone and he felt so mad, because Seokwoo, as annoying as he could be sometimes, didn’t deserve any of this. 

He didn’t know what to say. Anything felt so stupid, like “I’m sorry”, “it must have been hard for you”, those were just words people say all the time without really meaning them. 

So Chanhee tried his best. 

He lifted Seokwoo’s chin up, not saying anything but softly kissing his lips, his chin, his jaw. He held him close, caressing his hair while kissing him. 

«I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.» he said, and this time was Seokwoo, holding onto him so tight it almost hurt. 

Chanhee wasn’t ready to say he loved him. He probably didn’t yet since he had never processed his feelings and everything was so new. Still, he felt like someday he’ll say it back to Seokwoo. Because maybe it was love, as twisted and childish and incoherent it may seem. At least, it felt like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inda rise


	9. where chanhee takes on his main role

Chanhee never felt like he was the protagonist of his own life. He was a side character in someone else’s, maybe. He was too ordinary, too untalented, too lazy to be anything more. He watched people pass by under his eyes, leaving him - like his mom did, metaphorically speaking - asking what he did wrong. 

Even Kyun was now leaving. And Chanhee was somehow used to that, being forgotten, not being enough to make people bother for long. They all started having interest in him, wanting to be his friends because he was funny in school but then they always left him because he wasn’t just the guy that made them laugh and had all these amazing ideas. He was sometimes sad, sometimes needy, sometimes angry, but no one has never put up with that, even dad or Jaeyoon sometimes looked annoyed by him. 

So he just settled for his minor role, watching his life passing by reading manga and watching anime in his room, never getting attached to anyone but Youngkyun because people leave and he can’t lose anyone anymore. He isn’t strong as the heroes he read about, he always gave up. 

Why bother if he will end up alone anyways. 

But then, there was Seokwoo. And he made things complicated because Chanhee couldn’t really think when he was with him, when they kissed, he couldn’t be so blue. He never thought, not once, about “not bothering because Seokwoo will leave”. He just thought about kissing and having him in every way possibile either way he felt like hw couldn’t breathe. 

But now, Seokwoo having confessed to him his deepest secrets, and now resting in his embrace, Chanhee wished he had been different. He wished he had been a main character, as strong as the protagonist of his favorite mangas, always fighting and never giving up on the first try. He wanted to be capable of protecting him, to make their desperate making out session into something more, into a great love story where he could heal Seokwoo’s wounds. 

But he knew he wasn’t enough. So he just held him and cried with him, like a baby, like he never did in years. For him, for himself, for not being enough in any circumstance, for his mom, for Kyun, for anything. 

It was weird, and probably Seokwoo thought he was insane and lost every bit of attraction he had to him. 

«It’s never gonna be okay.» he said, face hidden in the crook of Chanhee’s neck. 

«No, you’re gonna be better. Maybe never okay but better. I ... I can’t save you. Or me. I’m useless, Seokwoo. I never care about anything because no one cares about me. That’s the truth. I can’t make you better, I can’t punch that fucker in the face and save the day, I want to ... but I can’t. I am sorry. I know I’m a disappointment.» he replies, holding Seokwoo close. 

«I’m not asking you to do that, Chanhee, you are fifteen. I am almost nineteen and I can’t deal with it. I have to in the end, but I won’t ask anyone to do it in my place.» 

«No, that’s wrong. You want to fight for the people you love. Their problems are your problems. This is my problem now, not only yours. But I can’t fight it. I can’t do anything and I hate that because it’s always like this. I always end up unable to move, unable to do anything.» he said. 

Seokwoo untied himself from Chanhee’s embrace and looked at him in the eyes. Chanhee blushed.   
Did he do something wrong? 

«It’s so funny, you act so cold but you are the warmest person I’ve ever met. I love you. And I feel stuck too. I always ... I always felt like this, even before. It’s not ... easy being gay in my family. Or in an all boys school. Or any high school. I just felt trapped all the time. I always thought my life was some sort of a tragedy. Maybe it is, still. But sometimes ... it doesn’t feel like it. It’s when I’m with you.» 

Chanhee caressed his shoulders, not knowing how to reply. But Seokwoo wasn’t finished. 

«I never had hope for a better future. Or a future itself. I still don’t have it I mean I probably fucked up everything even more. But right here, right now, with you, it doesn’t seem so bad.» 

Seokwoo looked so hopeless. He probably ever looked like it, all under his fake smiles and forced kindness. Chanhee hated that. 

Why there wasn’t anyone to save him? Not Chanhee, useless and boring Chanhee who was just a kid nobody cared about, but Seokwoo, who was perfect. Why couldn’t Kaneki jump out of Tokyo Ghoul and get rid of that fucker who abused him? Why couldn’t Ichigo fight for him? Why there wasn’t a hero ready to rescue him? 

«Don’t look so concerned. I’ll deal with it sooner or later. It’s okay now.» said Seokwoo, looking at Chanhee’s expression that was probably sad and worried. 

Typical of Seokwoo, wanting to be his own hero. That was probably what most people wanted to be, since homo homini lupus, that was latin for “everyone thinks only about themselves”, but Chanhee strongly disagreed about that. 

In mangas, people never fought for themselves, they always did for other people, the ones they cared about. And he wished for someone to be like this to him, someday, for someone to leap through time for him, to fight everyone for him, because that what’s love is: doing things for someone. Fighting his battles. Never giving up. 

But Chanhee wasn’t a fighter or a hero. He could just hold him, and pray for someone to save the day. 

Or find someone for him. 

Seokwoo slept a bit in his arms. It wasn’t as romantic as it sounds, since Seokwoo was heavy and Chanhee started not feeling half of his body due to his weight, after a while. 

Still, he didn’t move, he didn’t even breath too loudly because Seokwoo was tired and he needed to rest. 

When he woke up, it was like seeing the sun rising. 

Chanhee would have normally hated that, because Seokwoo looked straight out of a commercial even with puffy eyes and an half asleep expression, but now something changed. He didn’t hate that anymore, he treasured it. He admired it, wonderstruck when Seokwoo saw him and gave him a little smile and hid his face onto his chest. 

His heart raced, his hand went to Seokwoo’s hair, petting it lightly, the way he knew he liked it. 

«Did you sleep good?» he asked, because he really cared. 

«Yeah. I am always afraid to wake up. Like, I always check my phone and I am afraid I’ll get bad news. When it happened the only person who was supporting was Juho, my best friend. He’s very nice and everyone likes him like, for real. Not the way they like me. People felt the need to tell me I made a mistake and how that was my fault because I let him took the video and I should’ve known ... they still do sometimes and they’re not nice. I mean, it you disliked me so much from the start why even bothering getting close to me and talking to me? Just shut up.» 

Chanhee could understand the feeling. He still remembered when dad and mom divorced and every teacher in his nursery school told him how he had to deal with that. He couldn’t cry or scream or run around because he was sad, he had to be a “good boy”. He was three but he hated that and he remembered how he never listened, how he acted the way he wanted to because in the end he understood what was gonna happen: dad and mom would have never go back living together. 

«People that always act like they know better are just a bunch of idiots. I hate those. Like, no one cares if you’d have handled it better, Karen. Go to hell. Do you want me to reply to some of them? Maybe I’ll need some help like, I don’t know many curses in korean. That I can do for you, I’m very good at shutting people up. When we were freshmen, a guy told Kyun that he needed to cut his hair since he looked too much like a girl and I suggested him to chop his head off since it was useless anyway because he clearly didn’t have a brain. He spent like five minutes processing then he tried to punch me but I’m fast so I escaped. It was a lot of fun!» 

Seokwoo laughed. 

«You say you are no hero but you did all that to defend your friend. It’s pretty impressive.» he said. 

«It’s not the same. I can’t stand out in difficult situation. I just ignore them until they eventually go away.» 

«Me too. Well, usually, I get myself in trouble. I always trust the wrong people, I fall for someone I should never fall for ... everything I do is a big mistake and everything I do to make it better is falling for it again. It’s like I can’t stop.» 

Chanhee gulped, holding Seokwoo tighter, without even realising it. 

«Me? I’m a mistake?» he asked, feeling his voice somehow trembling. 

He didn’t even know how to feel. 

«You feel like the only right thing in my life right now. I’m not lying. But I know that Jaeyoon will kill me knowing I laid a finger on his precious child. And I did and I can’t help it. When I told you I love you I’d never thought it will end up like this. I just ... had nothing to lose. I mean, at least you’d know why I can’t make my usual poker face to you ... but then you kissed me and right now I know Jaeyoon will kick me out and I don’t even care too much because you like me .. at least, a tiny bit, and that’s the only good thing I have ... it feels like the only good thing I ever had.» 

«I’m not his child. He’s not my father. He loves you. He won’t kick you out.» 

Chanhee knows that Jaeyoon loves him. He loves him too, he is his dad, even though he never mastered the courage to call him like this, fearing that he wouldn’t like it. 

He had always seen Seokwoo as a threat to Jaeyoon’s love. Jaeyoon seemed to genuinely like Chanhee but he had this child he cared for who was amazing at everything and while Chanhee failed at least two subjects a year Seokwoo went to the most prestigious summer camps. And Chanhee had this thought he couldn’t shake off: everyone would have preferred having Seokwoo as a child, instead of him. 

Even now, he’s fifteen and knows how be objective, he had a part of him that’s telling him that Jaeyoon will kick him out of the house because he isn’t enough for Seokwoo. 

«Jaeyoon raised you. He watched me grow for a few years but he had never been a real father to me, he’s caring and sweet but it’s clear that I’m like a distant relative to him and he’s so nice and everything but with you it’s totally different. You are his son. He’s always so enthusiastic about anything you do, he showed me billions of your drawings and pictures, he talks constantly about you and how amazing you are. He talks like a dad.» 

Chanhee felt something warm in his chest. 

He had thought Jaeyoon tolerated him just to be with his dad at first, and he watched him carefully waiting for him to turn out like the evil stepmother in movies. 

Jaeyoon never did. He was cautious at first, but when he got more comfortable he had always hugged and kissed Chanhee like he was his, he played countless times with him, helped him with his homework and even treated his wounds when Chanhee got hurt on the playground. 

And since they started living together it was normal for Chanhee to snuggle with him and dad on the couch - right now he kinda wanted to stop since he was grown up but they were clingy and being hugged is always nice so he gave up - but he somehow was still afraid to admit to himself Jaeyoon is a proper parent to him. 

He hadn’t really thought about him while making out with Seokwoo the previous night, but surely what they did is putting him in a very difficult position. But he’s Jaeyoon, he’s caring and sweet and he can find a way to make everyone happy like he always does. 

Or maybe he’ll send one of them away to protect them, to not make their family hurt.

And Chanhee looked at Seokwoo, on his chest, sprawled on the couch where he used to watch football with dad and Jaeyoon and he knew. 

Seokwoo never had snuggles on the couch, probably. He never had Jaeyoon cooking pancakes in the morning or dad coming to his room for a goodnight kiss even when he’s fifteen and too old for this. 

Chanhee had plenty of love. Not enough to fill him, not enough to fix something that was broken so long ago or maybe it’s still breaking now, with every person that leaves him for good, but he had a lot. 

Seokwoo had none. Seokwoo had no house to return to, no one to pay his bills and give him food. 

Chanhee had. He hated it, he hated Canada, he hated the glare his mom gave him everytime she saw him, the way she never made an effort to see him or to be sure he’s happy. But he had a place to go. 

And it felt somehow Romeo and Juliet like, what he was about to do. Masochistic and totally unnecessary, also for someone he never cared for until a minute ago. 

He had never wanted to protect anyone. He was too fragile, too broken, to be the one who protects. He fought injustice, but never too much. He had never put himself at risk for anyone’s sake, he was too damaged, an hurt could break him. 

It still could, now. 

But seeing Seokwoo unhappy, seeing his fake smile and thinking about him crying, is even worse than being broken in a million pieces. He just knew that. 

As said, Chanhee was no hero. He wasn’t brave or good at fixing things and he always gave up on first try. 

He just wasn’t and he probably never be. He will always be the secondary character. But at least now he could be the secondary character that sacrifices himself for something good. For someone worthy. 

For Seokwoo, he could do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember that chanhee is 15 and over dramatic and seokwoo is 18 and still over dramatic i’m almost 22 and even more over dramatic


End file.
